There is an only flower growing wild in the yard
Railing against the forces looks to be so hard
I watch her in the sun that gives warmth to who she is
She doesn’t know the only one is just the way it is
Her petals are wide, with brown, and yellow hue
She soaks up the falling rain that is the autumn cue
Lonely is this flower that grows wild in the yard
She should have grown in spring when it wasn’t very hard
Winter calls cold through the autumn sifting
Creatures warm wanting have taken to southern drifting
She grows in the yard not knowing what’s the season
She grows there lonely not knowing if there’s a reason
All the colors that she matches away have they gone
Dawn comes much later as the nights are getting long
Growing wild out of season rebels against the norm
Her strength keeps her rebelling against the autumn storm
Her green broad leaves show strength and might
They’re heavy now with the frigid cold of night
I watch as the season stands to be so hard
To my only little flower growing wild in the yard
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Morning
The sun shows bright
The grass glistens with early dew
Geese pick and roam the field
My heart fills with the sounds of the morning
Clouds move across
Dew is washed away by rain
Geese follow the shade for cover
My heart fills with the sounds of noon time
Dark is the sky
Puddles fill the field
Geese find warmth in each other
My heart fills with the sounds of evening
Colors of my day
Fill me with contentment
Geese sing me a new song
This will keep me till the morning
The grass glistens with early dew
Geese pick and roam the field
My heart fills with the sounds of the morning
Clouds move across
Dew is washed away by rain
Geese follow the shade for cover
My heart fills with the sounds of noon time
Dark is the sky
Puddles fill the field
Geese find warmth in each other
My heart fills with the sounds of evening
Colors of my day
Fill me with contentment
Geese sing me a new song
This will keep me till the morning
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Marking Seasons
Marking seasons is by far my favorite past time. Finding new ways to tell myself we have moved on and have a new vision out the westward facing window. Spring brings the colors to announce summer. My view is a field that hosts new spring green grass, and my mind starts to wander with colors and feelings. My emotions are very wrapped up in colors and seasons. My senses breathe in all the seasons offer, but my mind tells me these things in colors.
Lately my view is of geese. Not a few, or even what some would call a gaggle, but hundreds of geese. They make the most amazing sounds as they sit and talk their goose language. Maybe telling each other of the coming winter, predicting the severity of the winter storms, or the mildness of a winter in the pacific northwest. Or maybe they compose a goose musical piece to be sung as they fly south. I can only listen with human ears to their chattering and wonder. I love to hear them. The fall usually brings the gloom of short days and dark weather but they don't seem to be caught up in it. They bring a melody as I sit and work quietly. And just as I have been pulled into their noise something breaks it and they all take flight, loudly singing their disapproval. The sounds of the geese brings on colors of browns and golds and greens. Fall is beautiful and I'm thankful for the geese who bring it each year.
Lately my view is of geese. Not a few, or even what some would call a gaggle, but hundreds of geese. They make the most amazing sounds as they sit and talk their goose language. Maybe telling each other of the coming winter, predicting the severity of the winter storms, or the mildness of a winter in the pacific northwest. Or maybe they compose a goose musical piece to be sung as they fly south. I can only listen with human ears to their chattering and wonder. I love to hear them. The fall usually brings the gloom of short days and dark weather but they don't seem to be caught up in it. They bring a melody as I sit and work quietly. And just as I have been pulled into their noise something breaks it and they all take flight, loudly singing their disapproval. The sounds of the geese brings on colors of browns and golds and greens. Fall is beautiful and I'm thankful for the geese who bring it each year.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Rough day
Another "old" writing I came across in my cleaning of older files off my computer. Like the poem "That's Why" and the story "What I learned", this one speaks to my need for Jesus. And after reading all these I realize how I sell short all that God gives me. I guess that's why I saved them, now I can really see.
A Rough Day Written Fall 2006
One day as I was sitting at the computer I was having a particularly rough day spiritually and in any other way I could think of. “Borrowing trouble” is what my grandmother used to call it. And I had borrowed up to my neck all the trouble of the ages in just that one morning. I was so overwhelmed I felt that I had no where to go with it. I had prayed for strength to get me through the day. A superficial prayer at best. I kept ticking off of my minds checklist all the things I had to do and all those things that would go undone because of the way my mind was working. I tried to focus on my bible study but how could I really focus? I mean with all the things going UNDONE, how could one be expected to rise above it? Satan was fueling with everything he had. I had dug a pit of self pity and timidly I yelled in silence. Oh help, yes help. Then I saw up in the right hand corner of my word document…Type a question for help. There it was, calling to me, daring me to use the pull down menu. As though it could actually taunt me I answered aloud, “oh sure, as if you could really help me”. What could I type in there? Which of the things that was overwhelming me could I really put into words? And so the taunt raged on. My bible study went undone and my focus was, well unfocused. So I did it, I used the pull down menu, I had to see what this all knowing word program could offer my overwhelming thoughts. To my overwhelmed mind I was given a blank field for which to type in my question. I laughed to myself as I thought back to the fact it taunted me with the promise of “help”. “See” I said, “there is no help you can give, just more to be overwhelmed about” I tried to think of a question, to put into words how much I needed help at that moment. Trying to put into words the desperate cry of my heart and to quiet the thoughts so now out of control. NOTHING came to my mind but more despair. Then I heard a voice, not the voice of the mangled thoughts running around loose in my head, a sweet quiet voice. “I don’t need words”. Wow, I had prayed but I had tried in my foolish, human way to put into words what I needed. The deeper meaning went unspoken. But God never needs to offer us a pull down menu. His promises of help only require that we seek Him. His promises are not empty like the help field in this word document. The computer program is finite, confined to just the program we are working in at the moment. God’s help is endless like his love and mercy, strength and grace. I needed to hand over the unspoken. I needed not to put into words what my troubles were, He already knew. He was just waiting for me to give them over, trade them for His weapons. His weapons, to fight that voice of overwhelming chaos are not of this world. My troubles are of this world, my life is busy with the things of this world, but my Savior isn’t bound by the standards and restrictions of this world. My prayers cannot be in the forms that this world would deem as sufficient. As I pray I must pray with my whole heart. My soul must be bared to God. I must give him each and every thought, even the ones without words. I must be willing to do this daily.
Precious Lord, I give you today and I ask your forgiveness in allowing all that I have to be wasted today on worry and letting my thoughts go unchecked. Help me gain strength through you word as I study what you would have for me. Quiet the voice of busyness and the voice that says I can’t possible get it all done. The voice of fear and dread. Lord look into my heart and a smooth out all the damage of today so that I may move forward in you. Thank you for showing me all this. I love you Jesus. Amen
A Rough Day Written Fall 2006
One day as I was sitting at the computer I was having a particularly rough day spiritually and in any other way I could think of. “Borrowing trouble” is what my grandmother used to call it. And I had borrowed up to my neck all the trouble of the ages in just that one morning. I was so overwhelmed I felt that I had no where to go with it. I had prayed for strength to get me through the day. A superficial prayer at best. I kept ticking off of my minds checklist all the things I had to do and all those things that would go undone because of the way my mind was working. I tried to focus on my bible study but how could I really focus? I mean with all the things going UNDONE, how could one be expected to rise above it? Satan was fueling with everything he had. I had dug a pit of self pity and timidly I yelled in silence. Oh help, yes help. Then I saw up in the right hand corner of my word document…Type a question for help. There it was, calling to me, daring me to use the pull down menu. As though it could actually taunt me I answered aloud, “oh sure, as if you could really help me”. What could I type in there? Which of the things that was overwhelming me could I really put into words? And so the taunt raged on. My bible study went undone and my focus was, well unfocused. So I did it, I used the pull down menu, I had to see what this all knowing word program could offer my overwhelming thoughts. To my overwhelmed mind I was given a blank field for which to type in my question. I laughed to myself as I thought back to the fact it taunted me with the promise of “help”. “See” I said, “there is no help you can give, just more to be overwhelmed about” I tried to think of a question, to put into words how much I needed help at that moment. Trying to put into words the desperate cry of my heart and to quiet the thoughts so now out of control. NOTHING came to my mind but more despair. Then I heard a voice, not the voice of the mangled thoughts running around loose in my head, a sweet quiet voice. “I don’t need words”. Wow, I had prayed but I had tried in my foolish, human way to put into words what I needed. The deeper meaning went unspoken. But God never needs to offer us a pull down menu. His promises of help only require that we seek Him. His promises are not empty like the help field in this word document. The computer program is finite, confined to just the program we are working in at the moment. God’s help is endless like his love and mercy, strength and grace. I needed to hand over the unspoken. I needed not to put into words what my troubles were, He already knew. He was just waiting for me to give them over, trade them for His weapons. His weapons, to fight that voice of overwhelming chaos are not of this world. My troubles are of this world, my life is busy with the things of this world, but my Savior isn’t bound by the standards and restrictions of this world. My prayers cannot be in the forms that this world would deem as sufficient. As I pray I must pray with my whole heart. My soul must be bared to God. I must give him each and every thought, even the ones without words. I must be willing to do this daily.
Precious Lord, I give you today and I ask your forgiveness in allowing all that I have to be wasted today on worry and letting my thoughts go unchecked. Help me gain strength through you word as I study what you would have for me. Quiet the voice of busyness and the voice that says I can’t possible get it all done. The voice of fear and dread. Lord look into my heart and a smooth out all the damage of today so that I may move forward in you. Thank you for showing me all this. I love you Jesus. Amen
What did I learn?
This is something I wrote a long time ago. I believe it was 3 years ago when I was first asked to be an assistant for bible study. At the end of that year each group chose a representative to give a presentation on what they learned. I was informed late one afternoon that I was the rep for my group and would talk THAT night. Yikes! I was so nervous and God was so good to give me words. I can't believe how much God has done in my life since then. How much more I rely on him. How rich my life is. I'm amazed at the journey and blessed by all the souvenirs I've picked up along the way.
What did I learn?
God taught me so much in this 1st book of Corinthians. But what is most amazing to me is how he has taught me wonderful things just being at bible study.
This was my first year as an assistant to a leader. When asked to be Karen’s assistant I was mildly flattered, but mostly bewildered. I prayed very hard that God would give me courage. I wondered why I would be asked because I knew there were women who knew more than I did about scripture and who had more experience working with a bible study group. Then someone said to me that God does not call the equipped, he equips the called. I was afraid that I would be the one that disproved that very encouraging theory. I was afraid that God, the God, as we’ve learned is the owner of our very bodies and everything that we have, and see and well EVERYTHING, wouldn’t have the resources to equip someone as lacking as I. So I prayed very hard. Very, very hard. I asked that God would at least partially blind everyone to my shortcomings. Then it hit me, I was an ASSISTANT. I wasn’t the one ultimately responsible Karen was. Wow what a relief. Karen will tell me what to do, I’ll do it and there, all fixed. Well God has HIS own plan and it isn’t always in line with our very flawed thinking.
1 Cor 1:27 God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful.
Well the wise and powerful should be shaking in their boots at this point.
God had not chosen poorly, I had thought poorly of his choice. HIS choice.
God showed me again and again how he was ever faithful. He carried me through the first weeks, I still felt like the fish out of water. But he was there with me.
One Thursday, early on I had felt like I really didn’t belong. I was not only listening to the enemy, I was asking him to stay and I served a light lunch. I had all but talked myself into calling with some excuse not to go that night when my phone rang. It was Karen. She would not be able to make it that night, her back was hurting. I was very thrown by this turn of events. How can YOU call in sick? And you had a REAL reason. Drat. I fumbled some words of encouragement but couldn’t get my mind around the fact she beat me to it. Well God fixed that didn’t he? Karen wasn’t going to be back for a long time. My heart sank. But then God took my fear, my self pity, and ME ME ME attitude and I forgot all about it for the most part.
I came into this year’s Bible study thinking I was not capable to carry out what God had already worked out.
Have I come to the end of this year with ALL things fixed and I have no doubts or concerns? No, but I’m a work in progress. I have learned a lot of things about how God works and how much I NEED him for everything. Even the small stuff. I also learned, I’m not the only one who hasn’t “arrived” at the spiritual end. We are all working on making our lives more like Christ. But like any mechanic you need the tools. God has every spiritual tool we need. He is willing to hand them to me as I need them, or sometimes he’s already handed them to me and I just didn’t know how to use it until it was time. His love is so deep, he would send His only son for me, for my sins. He would also throw me into a Bible Study and equip me to make it through. And here on the other side of this year’s study he has shown me so much, and stretched me so much. God mercifully brought Karen back, but not before I learned some lessons, made some friends, and loved a lot.
What did I learn?
God taught me so much in this 1st book of Corinthians. But what is most amazing to me is how he has taught me wonderful things just being at bible study.
This was my first year as an assistant to a leader. When asked to be Karen’s assistant I was mildly flattered, but mostly bewildered. I prayed very hard that God would give me courage. I wondered why I would be asked because I knew there were women who knew more than I did about scripture and who had more experience working with a bible study group. Then someone said to me that God does not call the equipped, he equips the called. I was afraid that I would be the one that disproved that very encouraging theory. I was afraid that God, the God, as we’ve learned is the owner of our very bodies and everything that we have, and see and well EVERYTHING, wouldn’t have the resources to equip someone as lacking as I. So I prayed very hard. Very, very hard. I asked that God would at least partially blind everyone to my shortcomings. Then it hit me, I was an ASSISTANT. I wasn’t the one ultimately responsible Karen was. Wow what a relief. Karen will tell me what to do, I’ll do it and there, all fixed. Well God has HIS own plan and it isn’t always in line with our very flawed thinking.
1 Cor 1:27 God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful.
Well the wise and powerful should be shaking in their boots at this point.
God had not chosen poorly, I had thought poorly of his choice. HIS choice.
God showed me again and again how he was ever faithful. He carried me through the first weeks, I still felt like the fish out of water. But he was there with me.
One Thursday, early on I had felt like I really didn’t belong. I was not only listening to the enemy, I was asking him to stay and I served a light lunch. I had all but talked myself into calling with some excuse not to go that night when my phone rang. It was Karen. She would not be able to make it that night, her back was hurting. I was very thrown by this turn of events. How can YOU call in sick? And you had a REAL reason. Drat. I fumbled some words of encouragement but couldn’t get my mind around the fact she beat me to it. Well God fixed that didn’t he? Karen wasn’t going to be back for a long time. My heart sank. But then God took my fear, my self pity, and ME ME ME attitude and I forgot all about it for the most part.
I came into this year’s Bible study thinking I was not capable to carry out what God had already worked out.
Have I come to the end of this year with ALL things fixed and I have no doubts or concerns? No, but I’m a work in progress. I have learned a lot of things about how God works and how much I NEED him for everything. Even the small stuff. I also learned, I’m not the only one who hasn’t “arrived” at the spiritual end. We are all working on making our lives more like Christ. But like any mechanic you need the tools. God has every spiritual tool we need. He is willing to hand them to me as I need them, or sometimes he’s already handed them to me and I just didn’t know how to use it until it was time. His love is so deep, he would send His only son for me, for my sins. He would also throw me into a Bible Study and equip me to make it through. And here on the other side of this year’s study he has shown me so much, and stretched me so much. God mercifully brought Karen back, but not before I learned some lessons, made some friends, and loved a lot.
That's Why
That’s Why
When your confidence turns to doubt
Or you see there is no way out
That’s the time to,
That’s why you
Turn to Jesus
When the world for you has failed
When your dreams have all but paled
That’s the time to
That’s why you
Look to Jesus
When you feel you’ve lost your way
When it seems dark all of the day
That’s the time to,
That’s why you
Pray to Jesus
All your worries, all your cares
Can be carried by the one who is always there
The one who is light when it seems dark
The one who can bring fire where there was no spark
The one we pray to
That’s why we pray to
Jesus
When your confidence turns to doubt
Or you see there is no way out
That’s the time to,
That’s why you
Turn to Jesus
When the world for you has failed
When your dreams have all but paled
That’s the time to
That’s why you
Look to Jesus
When you feel you’ve lost your way
When it seems dark all of the day
That’s the time to,
That’s why you
Pray to Jesus
All your worries, all your cares
Can be carried by the one who is always there
The one who is light when it seems dark
The one who can bring fire where there was no spark
The one we pray to
That’s why we pray to
Jesus
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