What did I learn?

This is something I wrote a long time ago. I believe it was 3 years ago when I was first asked to be an assistant for bible study. At the end of that year each group chose a representative to give a presentation on what they learned. I was informed late one afternoon that I was the rep for my group and would talk THAT night. Yikes! I was so nervous and God was so good to give me words. I can't believe how much God has done in my life since then. How much more I rely on him. How rich my life is. I'm amazed at the journey and blessed by all the souvenirs I've picked up along the way.

What did I learn?
God taught me so much in this 1st book of Corinthians. But what is most amazing to me is how he has taught me wonderful things just being at bible study.
This was my first year as an assistant to a leader. When asked to be Karen’s assistant I was mildly flattered, but mostly bewildered. I prayed very hard that God would give me courage. I wondered why I would be asked because I knew there were women who knew more than I did about scripture and who had more experience working with a bible study group. Then someone said to me that God does not call the equipped, he equips the called. I was afraid that I would be the one that disproved that very encouraging theory. I was afraid that God, the God, as we’ve learned is the owner of our very bodies and everything that we have, and see and well EVERYTHING, wouldn’t have the resources to equip someone as lacking as I. So I prayed very hard. Very, very hard. I asked that God would at least partially blind everyone to my shortcomings. Then it hit me, I was an ASSISTANT. I wasn’t the one ultimately responsible Karen was. Wow what a relief. Karen will tell me what to do, I’ll do it and there, all fixed. Well God has HIS own plan and it isn’t always in line with our very flawed thinking.
1 Cor 1:27 God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful.
Well the wise and powerful should be shaking in their boots at this point.
God had not chosen poorly, I had thought poorly of his choice. HIS choice.
God showed me again and again how he was ever faithful. He carried me through the first weeks, I still felt like the fish out of water. But he was there with me.
One Thursday, early on I had felt like I really didn’t belong. I was not only listening to the enemy, I was asking him to stay and I served a light lunch. I had all but talked myself into calling with some excuse not to go that night when my phone rang. It was Karen. She would not be able to make it that night, her back was hurting. I was very thrown by this turn of events. How can YOU call in sick? And you had a REAL reason. Drat. I fumbled some words of encouragement but couldn’t get my mind around the fact she beat me to it. Well God fixed that didn’t he? Karen wasn’t going to be back for a long time. My heart sank. But then God took my fear, my self pity, and ME ME ME attitude and I forgot all about it for the most part.
I came into this year’s Bible study thinking I was not capable to carry out what God had already worked out.
Have I come to the end of this year with ALL things fixed and I have no doubts or concerns? No, but I’m a work in progress. I have learned a lot of things about how God works and how much I NEED him for everything. Even the small stuff. I also learned, I’m not the only one who hasn’t “arrived” at the spiritual end. We are all working on making our lives more like Christ. But like any mechanic you need the tools. God has every spiritual tool we need. He is willing to hand them to me as I need them, or sometimes he’s already handed them to me and I just didn’t know how to use it until it was time. His love is so deep, he would send His only son for me, for my sins. He would also throw me into a Bible Study and equip me to make it through. And here on the other side of this year’s study he has shown me so much, and stretched me so much. God mercifully brought Karen back, but not before I learned some lessons, made some friends, and loved a lot.