Rough day

Another "old" writing I came across in my cleaning of older files off my computer. Like the poem "That's Why" and the story "What I learned", this one speaks to my need for Jesus. And after reading all these I realize how I sell short all that God gives me. I guess that's why I saved them, now I can really see.


A Rough Day Written Fall 2006

One day as I was sitting at the computer I was having a particularly rough day spiritually and in any other way I could think of. “Borrowing trouble” is what my grandmother used to call it. And I had borrowed up to my neck all the trouble of the ages in just that one morning. I was so overwhelmed I felt that I had no where to go with it. I had prayed for strength to get me through the day. A superficial prayer at best. I kept ticking off of my minds checklist all the things I had to do and all those things that would go undone because of the way my mind was working. I tried to focus on my bible study but how could I really focus? I mean with all the things going UNDONE, how could one be expected to rise above it? Satan was fueling with everything he had. I had dug a pit of self pity and timidly I yelled in silence. Oh help, yes help. Then I saw up in the right hand corner of my word document…Type a question for help. There it was, calling to me, daring me to use the pull down menu. As though it could actually taunt me I answered aloud, “oh sure, as if you could really help me”. What could I type in there? Which of the things that was overwhelming me could I really put into words? And so the taunt raged on. My bible study went undone and my focus was, well unfocused. So I did it, I used the pull down menu, I had to see what this all knowing word program could offer my overwhelming thoughts. To my overwhelmed mind I was given a blank field for which to type in my question. I laughed to myself as I thought back to the fact it taunted me with the promise of “help”. “See” I said, “there is no help you can give, just more to be overwhelmed about” I tried to think of a question, to put into words how much I needed help at that moment. Trying to put into words the desperate cry of my heart and to quiet the thoughts so now out of control. NOTHING came to my mind but more despair. Then I heard a voice, not the voice of the mangled thoughts running around loose in my head, a sweet quiet voice. “I don’t need words”. Wow, I had prayed but I had tried in my foolish, human way to put into words what I needed. The deeper meaning went unspoken. But God never needs to offer us a pull down menu. His promises of help only require that we seek Him. His promises are not empty like the help field in this word document. The computer program is finite, confined to just the program we are working in at the moment. God’s help is endless like his love and mercy, strength and grace. I needed to hand over the unspoken. I needed not to put into words what my troubles were, He already knew. He was just waiting for me to give them over, trade them for His weapons. His weapons, to fight that voice of overwhelming chaos are not of this world. My troubles are of this world, my life is busy with the things of this world, but my Savior isn’t bound by the standards and restrictions of this world. My prayers cannot be in the forms that this world would deem as sufficient. As I pray I must pray with my whole heart. My soul must be bared to God. I must give him each and every thought, even the ones without words. I must be willing to do this daily.
Precious Lord, I give you today and I ask your forgiveness in allowing all that I have to be wasted today on worry and letting my thoughts go unchecked. Help me gain strength through you word as I study what you would have for me. Quiet the voice of busyness and the voice that says I can’t possible get it all done. The voice of fear and dread. Lord look into my heart and a smooth out all the damage of today so that I may move forward in you. Thank you for showing me all this. I love you Jesus. Amen